BOTTOM’S UP!

I think it may be time for some early  New Year’s resolutions and a vacation from partying LOL!  My Ode to the Commode up next!  Stay tuned…Spread the glove! 

Bottom's Up!

 

STRESS TESTS, FLIPPER AND BEN AFFLECK!

I’m having one of those days where I can’t get motivated which would be fine if I didn’t have a gazillion things to do betwixt prepping for my media stuff next week and IN STYLE Magazine interview tomorrow, doing laundry so I can see the floor in my son’s room before spring and oh yes going grocery shopping so we don’t have leftover turkey again for din din (and yes it’s still fresh since I brought home and froze single serving dinners from Marla’s turkey feast) But hey, that’s life on Hysteria Lane and overall I love my life sans my chronic lack of time and NRG to which we can all relate. 

I’m also not one who engages in pity parties…Nope generally, I look for an entertaining distraction to get my mojo back, which is exactly what I did.

I often find that googling a word or phrase results in some very interesting and entertaining stuff so I put in “today in history fun” and discovered some cool facts– The most impressive was that it was this date in 1955 Rosa Parks refused to move to the back of the bus and truly helped launch the civil rights movement. I then returned to the search page scrolled down and found a site called www.squidoo.com  and the rest my friends is today’s history for me!

 I found a link to the DOLPHIN STRESS TEST. I’ve always loved Flipper and dolphins in general.  I also like Ben Affleck  and he appears to like dolphins too as you can see if you click this link:   http://bit.ly/tycc5e

Back to dolphins and Ben another time:  I love too that dolphins always appear to have a Zen like, gentle smile on their face and the fact that they are apparently incredibly intelligent ranking second to we humans.  Thus, I hoped some wisdom waited. It did kinda sorta since my results spoke to both me and I suspect many of us overworked, over-scheduled and soon to be a bit over weight from holiday-eating housewives. 

That’s all I’m gonna say for now… …Other then, much to my chagrin I realized I was further gone then I had thought and hadn’t even factored in other tasks that I need to do like holiday shopping….But, hey I’ve got 19 days til Hanukkah, 24 til Xmas n 25 ‘til Kwanzaa so I’m going to the acquarium now and visit FLIPPER hoping I’ll see double…you’ll understand this once you take the test so please let me know if you’re feeling my pain! Ready set click:  http://www.bblmedia.com/sports/stress.html  Spread the glove!

MAMMY-VICE ‘n MICKEY D

Seems this has been the week for me to be poked, scraped, and today squished! Ouch was me for unlike my doctor visit with McDreamy on Monday, today was Torture Chamber Thursday with MAMMY-VICE.  Yes, today was my annual breast exam.  I don’t know about you, but it’s times like these that I struggle with that 10-20 minutes of fear waiting for the results and that oh so special but necessary experience of  having my two boobs squeezed into a pancake form.  Clearly men invented these machines as some kinda sadistic payback or pleasure!  I mean, can you imagine if they had a device that did that to their little head?  Not a pretty image I grant you but the thought did help relieve my angst wondering if all was well …that along with how much pain those with implants feel when that vice is tightened!

And, then the practicioner brought me into my good bud’s room for ultrasound and good tidings both the mammo and ultra brought!  All is well–my breasts and I are healthy and bouncy once again…

So in good cheer I left, and decided to throw caution and my cholestrol to the wind having passed on a big juicy cheesey Mac ‘n greasy fries yesterday.  Not today though– off the three of us went to the golden arches….and yum it ‘twas.  And, though I didn’t take a pix of me pigging out, I did want to share a pix from Micky D’s the other day where I discovered the world’s biggest stocking…Quite a claim but who am I to argue! Love the monkey on the bottom- sorta reminds me of how my boobs felt earlier today though thank ye gods they didn’t squish them so tightly that they turned blue! LOL 

Happy third night of Hanukah! Potato pancakes r us!

 Spread the glove! 

GEORGE CLOONEY, McDREAMY ‘n MOI: See You Same Time, Next Year!

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year”…yes it ‘tis the holidays and as Andy Williams croons in this classic Xmas tune , it’s also “the hap happiest season of all”.

And for me, it’s also the pap papiest time of year when I get to see my gynecologist whom I’ve had a crush on since I first met him 18 years ago due to my miscarriage.  There I was  looking stunning in my hospital gown, eyes puffy from crying and nose red from blowing.  Yes, five pokes in my arm later courtesy of an inept nurse who could not find a vein worthy for the intravenous line, there he stood:  My McDreamy who has a smile like George Clooney (who has Dr. roots from ye ole ER!), holding my hand telling me all would be ok as my then husband lay passed out on the chair woozy from watching Nurse Ratched  (from classic film, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest) use his beloved wife as a push pin.

And, McDreamy was correcto since a year and 38 hours later I gave birth via a C-section to a healthy 22 inch, 8 pound baby boy OUCH! Once again, their George McDreamy stood holding my hand, this time yours truly looking even more alluring then when we first met -adorned with body fluids that only our septic tank should witness.  He smiled that cute little smile and sweetly assured me not to worry and all would be ok.  And, once again there was my hubs sitting on the side, nearly passed out, woozy from seeing my blood, sweat and tears.

And, that’s how this now 18-year-old relationship began. It’s sorta like the movie “Same Time Next Year” where Alan Alda and Ellen Bursytn meet at a romantic inn, both married and have an adulterous affair ‘same time every year’ for 26 years sharing a ‘rainbow’ of emotions…

Well McDreamy and I haven’t exactly shared a rainbow of emotions-pain yes, but anyone who’s seen you looking like a character from tales from the crypt and delivers the most important thing in your life is someone whom you will always share a special connection and fondness.  So when it’s our ‘annual date’ we always greet each other with a warm hug, catch up on family and kids, I show him pix of Luke, we talk about career, politics, biking, swimming and books we’ve read. Then it’s time to get me in the saddle so to speak 🙂

PLEASE NOTE: Unlike the movie, there is no impropriety on either of our part though I confess the thought has crossed my mind but I also have fantasies of Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, Hugh Jackman and George Clooney.  Nope McDreamy is all business…Damn it!! Kidding!!…And, btw I promised him I wouldn’t use his name just in case someone got the wrong idea –but ‘tis nice to dream vs. scream during these moments!  I’m sure you get how it makes it a lot easier to endure the discomfort of being in those stirrups and having your insides feel like their being extracted during for the exam and pap culture. 

Now you know why I’m of good cheer and why this is the pap-pappiest time of my year…And, of course knowing all is fine with my bod will make me even happier! 

A bientot my McDreamy.  Can’t wait to see you same time next year!  Happy Holidays!

Love as always to hear any of your McDreamy tales etc here, or FB or tweet moi! Spread the glove…hmmm not in the doctoral sense LOL!

 

 

 

NEON STRIPPERS, GUNS ‘N FRIDAY

YEAH IT’S FRIDAY! More better (nice English eh!) is that I’m back from Chicago, in my comfy home and haven’t had to rush off anywhere today.  I’m still in my sweats, haven’t showered, no make-up (no looking in the mirror;)…Just me by my lonely sipping my fave new bottled water Contrex, hoping the neon male stripper will pop outta the bottle (if wondering what in the heck I’m talking about go pronto to my sanity saving ‘n entertaining Dec.12^th blog “ Where’s the Beef! A New Spin on Drinking Water!) 

Yup, I’m enjoying quiet and calm, a beautiful rare gift for all we housewives, moms, working types and recovering Type A personalities.

So before my son comes home from school and starts asking for food, where his Bucknell t-shirt is or asking for money….And, before one of my six back to back biz calls begins at 2, I’m gonna kick back, chill and je ne sais quois with my Contrex…Which also means I’m not going to write much here today.  Instead I’ll let this U-TUBE video starring the studly host of blog radio’s #1 show, Down ‘n Dirty live from the Craftsman Experience, Mr. Guns himself, Frank Fontana and moi do the blogging …Spread the glove!

Gettin’ Down ‘n Dirty with Mr. OMG Guns aka Frank Fontana!

GETTIN’ DOWN N’ DIRTY W/THE ITALIAN STALLION…Of Design

WHAT FUN I HAD TODAY!  That was after thinking i might be meeting my maker as we descended into the Windy City early this morn. Rather then continuing our landing our trusty captain revved up the engines and took us back into the wild blue yonder.  YIKES ! He claimed it was the control tower saying that winds had shifted but Kevin Miller, my trusty biz manager and I thinketh there might have been a fellow craft too close for comfort.  But alas, though my heart took a nose dive the plane eventually landed safely .  And off to the Sears Craftsman Experience Studio we went to meet the one and only, adorable and studdley Frank Fontana, host of  BlogRadio‘s 1,000,000 stream hit show Down ‘ Dirty as well as HGTV’s Design on a Dime.  

Spreading the Glove with Frank

Before the interview I was given a tour by Bo, the uber fit studio manager (and my new personal trainer) whom showed me some of their latest and greatest tools: Now, I know usually it’s guys who get excited by power tools and widgets but I felt like a kid in a toy store and love any kinda tool that is easy to use and if it can multi-task all the better…which Bo shared and I tested:

 

Say Aahh!

Not exactly sure why I love doing DIY’s around the house though it allows me to connect with my inner-guy.  And, truth is I find it empowering and love seeing the look of disbelief in my guy’s face when I fix a clogged sink, create a Make Up Brush Holder outta a block of craft wood with my handy dandy coincidentally Craftsman drill to make holes for each; or when I’m looking for studs in the wall (though don’t mind looking at the other male version either LOL!) Yup, give me a drill and a dirty martini (after the job is done of course) and I’m one happy not always so accidental housewife!

Ok now back to the studio…

Bo’s tour now finito, it was time to put on my gloves and at last start ‘spreading some glove’ with Frank.  So in I strolled, with an extra pair of gloves in hand sure he’d put them on since he’s also known as the Straight Guy with a Queer Eye! And, the real fun began!  Alex, Frank’s bud across the table  joined in too who is a blast! We chatted about everything from my accidental origins to Frank’s wife’s struggle with being a new mom (they have a 4 month old), housewife and not loosing her sanity (we can all relate!), to our mutual buds Kathie Lee ‘n Hoda on NBC TODAY SHOW to talking ‘dirty’—afterall it is the  ‘Down ‘n Dirty Show’- to lots of other laughs, advice and …for the whole interview which was more like having a drink with friends sans drink at least this time, all you gotta do is  tune in –www.blogtalkradio.com/diy

All U Need is Glove, Frank and the Down 'n Dirty Guys

Big Shout out to Exec Producer Andy Herman for booking me in Down ‘N Dirty’s prime time show slot as well as making me feel like I was a regular… And to all you guys behind the scenes for making today’s segment terrific. Can’t wait to come on back though I may take the train here next time.  Ready anytime Frank to DIY and get my hands and gloves dirty!  xo

WHERE’D THE BEEF GO? A New Spin on Drinking Water :)

Merci beaucoup to mon amie Marla for sharing this U-TUBE video which clearly put some je ne sais quoi into my housewifely step this afternoon.  Suffice it to say that it will put a smile on your face, have you panting perhaps un petite and contemplating buying a ticket to France toute suite.  You are about to enjoy a spin that will whet your whistle and burns 2000 calories!  Good deal i’d say!  Let me know if i should start planning a charter trip to Paris for all we deserving housewives to tone and groan!

BTW I am finding out where to buy Contrex which I have learned is owned by NESTLE (guess they do make the very best and not just chocolate) and hoping there is some neon magic in every bottle !

Viva la French!

PS;  Be tough to top this calorie burning idea but I’m all ears !

RARE MOODS AND HORMONE’S RAGING

Happy Friday eve!  I’m now sipping a glass of vino toasting the week gone by which like all of them seems to fly.  Actually, I thought I’d be out to dinner with my son and we ‘d catch up versus him devouring my homemade morsels in 10 minutes so he can go up and watch Family Guy, GOLF CHANNEL (I think I’ve told you he’s an aspiring college bound in fall 2012 professional golfter) or Two and Half Men repeats (and by the way I love how they integrated Ashton Kutchner into the new season—it’s brilliant…and yes, I also think he’s incredibly cute though a few more muscles and chest hair would make him …..oops wine must be hitting me…topic for another day!)

Anyway, I’m thrilled that Luke and I are close, and that he actually enjoys going out to dinner and having a ‘real conversation’.  I’m sure if you’re a parent you get how challenging that is particularly as kids get older, grunt more then speak (unless they need money), and think you’re sooo weird.  Going out to dinner is ‘our time’ and we usually go to a local Italian place called Cenzino’s where we’ve dined at since Luke’s 8.  It’s sorta become my Cheers since the owner Vinnie always greets u with a smiling face and ‘rare mood’ which means he needs another drink…But kidding aside he keeps an eye on all his regulars, aware when they’re going through something.  As was my case when I went through the different stages of my divorce-He was a true friend. 

But tonight my good ole bud Vinnie and I were not to be.  Instead I’m ordering Chinese food for Luke and I… and did I mention his girlfriend…enough said…clearly not gonna be much ‘real conversation’ betwixt us.  But with hormones raging and now both feeling better, I choose to stay close vs enjoying one of Vinnie’s rare moods or picking food up to go.  This way both her parents and I can have a ‘real conversation’ about how I fed their daughter well and how I think she’s terrific -which she is when they pick her up …. Doorbell’s ringing …food’s here and time for another glass of vino!

And you? How’s your Friday eve? Teenage kids? Chilling with a glass of vino? Share please here, tweet me @accidentlhousewfe.com or tweet! Spread the glove!

SMELLING THE CHESTNUTS A LA MARY TYLER MOORE

Let me preface this by saying I have been trying to write this since Tuesday. But, alas as my last post:“Life Interuptus” shared, my son was home ill and mommy TLC was in full gear.  I am happy to report he is back in school YEAH! …oh I mean I am so relieved that he’s feeling fine 🙂 since now this accidental housewife can return to her normal schedule albeit a day or two later…Here we go….

Tra la la la la the holidays as we know far too well are in full gear… Complete with the stress of holiday shopping, getting your home ready for family and friends, and all else betwixt and between.  But unlike most days where I  focus on the must dos I did a wanna do the other day.  Yes, I actually took some of my own sanity saving advice. I decided to smell the chestnuts roasting on the open streets of NYC before they were replaced by souvlaki. I did this following my always fun appearance with my fave TODAY SHOW gals Kathie Lee ‘n Hoda. I threw caution, schedules and my son’s dinner to the wind (and for those of you who may be wondering it was NOT due to him suffering from starvation that he got sick but rather due to his providing TLC to his GF whom was sick first).  

I mean how could I not!  It was a perfect December day—sunny, mild and midtown Manhattan was aglow in holiday cheer.  The time was ripe for me to be there now and enjoy a Mary Tyler Moore kinda moment.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the reference to Ms. Moore please tune into TV LAND and click here for some background on the show http://www.museum.tv/eotvsection.php?entrycode=marytylermo For those too engrossed in this blogger’s tale, here’s a sentence or two: The Mary Tyler Moore Show was a 70’s must see sitcom about a young professional single gal, jilted by her live-in medical school boyfriend (radical then) who moves to Minneapolis (I know not exactly my first choice if I were single…forgive me Minnesotans I love your state and it’s beautiful in the warmer months but the winters are brutal for this NE lass as my fingers turn from white to black even in air-conditioned theatres!) But, I digress:  Mary moves there and gets a job working in the newsroom of a fictional TV station-WJM -and the rest my friends has become TV history (and BTW the ever young Betty White was a part of this terrific show and ensemble).  

I refer to it here because as I took in the sites and sounds of NYC, I felt like Mary in the intro to her show where she is experiencing her new city full of smiles, childish enthusiasm and feeling anything is possible as she tosses her beret up in the air http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql8G0Ikko5I …As the show’s theme song says “Love is All Around, No Need to Waste It”.  And, that’s exactly what I did that day complete with that same wide smile but sans beret.  

My inner childhood excitement was in full gear as I stood outside the Cartier building, wrapped  in a gigantic red ribbon (wishing I could go inside and have my prince charming make the holidays truly bright with a shiny diamond babble or two or 3 but then I would have been dreaming and not there live):

CARTIER DREAMS, CHAMPAGNE WISHES!

Angels and I blowing our horns:

There me blows!

Rat-a-tat-tatting our drums:

Drummin up some holiday cheer!

Viewing Saks Fifth Avenue’s Land of The Bubble Maker window complete with the latest fashion to wear which I saw as a terrific multi-tasking design to look good and dust too LOL! 

Fashion that mulit-tasks-feather dustin dress LOVE THAT!

And, of course the one and only Rockefeller Xmas Tree—pitter-patter pitter patter:

WOW!

Ahhh ‘tis the season…but alas, like all good things, this accidental housewife was reminded that I was not Mary Tyler Moore when my cell phone rang and my son greeted me with ‘When you gonna be home? I’m hungry and I ate all the leftovers!”  My brief wonderlust was over.  I was thrust back to my regularly scheduled demands of housewifely motherhood programming.  

Hey, please know I am not complaining.  I feel incredibly lucky to have least had this brief time with my fave photographer whom I need to thank now or I will not even get a holiday card from lest a diamond or zirconium babble…u da best D xo! Nope, I  am thrilled I took the time before another year passed and I missed it all again. Holiday shopping, cleaning, prepping etc can wait a few hours-remember the holidays are about celebrating and spending time with family and friends not worrying about dust bunnies. So please take a breath and the time to ‘smell those chestnuts’.  We deserve it!  Love is truly all around and we shouldn’t waste it!

Okay so there’s my holiday sanity saving advice…I’ll get off my pulpit or rather step ladder now….

Love to see your fave pixs of holiday decorations in your home town, if you’re visiting somewhere or hear any fave Mary Tyler Moore moments you’ve seen on TV LAND so please blog back here, tweet me @accidentlhouswfe.com or FB me….

Spread the glove!

LIFE INTERUPTUS

Blog n life interuptus 🙂 Was writing a really fun blog when my son came home eyes blurry, head a bit warm and personality receding to his pre-natal position mumbling ‘mommy i dont’ feel good, hug me’ days. So forgive me fellow (or is it feline i always wonder) mommies….my kiddie comes first. And ’til we blog again tomorrow  and for those who missed my pearls of accidental wisdom for getting rid of some of the holiday entertaining pre and post cleanup stress yesterday on TODAY SHOW w/Kathie Lee and Hoda, here’s the clip  http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/45554176 and some behind the scenes pix courtesy of Sir D xo…Be backatcha post tomorrow’s live taping on BETTER TV and my 6’1 17 year ole baby huey’s hopefully back to his ‘mom leave me alone’ shellfish self 🙂 Go forth now, click, enjoy and ‘spread some glove’!

 

Scoop, serve n toss!

Tennis balls n Stilleto Marks! Love that!