Tag Archive | the accidental housewife

SNOWING DOWN ‘N PLAYING IT FORWARD!

Been an unexpected lazy kinda day here in the Northeast…Significant snowfall’s are good for making us slow down from our normal craziness since the news media give us a pass, reporting from every precinct how ‘snow has blanketed the area’ and that roads are trecherous as they place that all-telling yardstick in the snow to prove just how deep it us.    Nope, today we didn’t have to rush to do our  nine million errands, shuttle our kiddies here, there and everywhere, order pizza for din din so they didn’t starve nor worry about making ourselves look coiffed ‘n relaxed for our Saturday night out.

So where am i leading with this…hmmm…to an email i received a few hours ago from Kevin or “oh capitain” as i call him aka my manager and good bud . And, I wanted to share it with you since it seemed to compliment the unexpected lazy kinda day we had that gave us or at least moi cause to pause.  As Kevin said ,”this is good stuff” particularly as we dig into 2012 and outta the snow or whatever else you may be stuck in…Happy Saturday!  And, please be sure to do #40 and Spread the glove!

2012 HANDBOOK 

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2011 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree….

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will.
Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

LEWES, BREWS ‘N HOLIDAY REVUES!

WOW! Can u believe the holidays are over?  I can’t say that they came and went and I wasn’t in the moment.  Nope for the first time in eons I actually can look back and not quote John Lennon about ‘life’s what’s happening when you’re busy making plans”. . . I made plans and I was living them! That’s not to say I didn’t work a bit, stress a bit and not take as much time as Sir D might have preferred though he tempted and spoiled me in far too many ways for which I am mucho grateful…but overall I chilled and cheered (perhaps a tad too much) my way through the holidays!

And,  it all started with my Mary Tyler Moore tour of NYC (DEC. 5) following the gig with Kathie Lee ‘n Hoda on the Today Show—And BTW, yours truly is back with my fave gals next Tuesday, January 10th to share tips n’ tricks for those of us who got suckered into getting our kiddies a new pet and now are paying our doo…n cleaning it too!

But that’s another day’s blog to share…For a few more brief moments before my dinner needs to be on the table, another load of laundry done and my head hits the pillow so I can be up with the roosters to insure my son is not late for school, I am still in holiday happy mode.  And, I wanted to share  a few pix with all of ye from Crossing the Delaware via Ferry in Biz Mode to tourin’ n tastin’ D Beer at Dogfish Head Brewery to D hospitality n oh so charmin’  Inn at Cove Bay in Lewes, DE to the incredible ‘n yummy Holiday eve courtesy of chef extraordinaire Peter Kelly at X2o n his incredibly talented bro Ned Kelly…And, last but far from least –to D’man SSD Tank ye mucho xoxo!  

Please, please NOTE! I’d love to see your pix too so please share here at LiveFromHysteriaLane, tweet or FB me! Happy New Year all! Spread the glove 🙂 

FERRY BIZ-ZY

 

WINING N DINING IN DELAWARE

TAKIN CONTROL AT DOGFISH HEAD BREWERY, Lewes DE


TAH -DAH MY VERY OWN DOGFISH BREW! oops,makes u see sideways LOL!

 

D'ELF 🙂

NJOYIN 12 NITES W/UBER TALENTED NED KELLEY/X20-Photo by D'man

MMMUMS THE WORD AT X20-What a Hoot!

BOTTOM’S UP!

I think it may be time for some early  New Year’s resolutions and a vacation from partying LOL!  My Ode to the Commode up next!  Stay tuned…Spread the glove! 

Bottom's Up!

 

STRESS TESTS, FLIPPER AND BEN AFFLECK!

I’m having one of those days where I can’t get motivated which would be fine if I didn’t have a gazillion things to do betwixt prepping for my media stuff next week and IN STYLE Magazine interview tomorrow, doing laundry so I can see the floor in my son’s room before spring and oh yes going grocery shopping so we don’t have leftover turkey again for din din (and yes it’s still fresh since I brought home and froze single serving dinners from Marla’s turkey feast) But hey, that’s life on Hysteria Lane and overall I love my life sans my chronic lack of time and NRG to which we can all relate. 

I’m also not one who engages in pity parties…Nope generally, I look for an entertaining distraction to get my mojo back, which is exactly what I did.

I often find that googling a word or phrase results in some very interesting and entertaining stuff so I put in “today in history fun” and discovered some cool facts– The most impressive was that it was this date in 1955 Rosa Parks refused to move to the back of the bus and truly helped launch the civil rights movement. I then returned to the search page scrolled down and found a site called www.squidoo.com  and the rest my friends is today’s history for me!

 I found a link to the DOLPHIN STRESS TEST. I’ve always loved Flipper and dolphins in general.  I also like Ben Affleck  and he appears to like dolphins too as you can see if you click this link:   http://bit.ly/tycc5e

Back to dolphins and Ben another time:  I love too that dolphins always appear to have a Zen like, gentle smile on their face and the fact that they are apparently incredibly intelligent ranking second to we humans.  Thus, I hoped some wisdom waited. It did kinda sorta since my results spoke to both me and I suspect many of us overworked, over-scheduled and soon to be a bit over weight from holiday-eating housewives. 

That’s all I’m gonna say for now… …Other then, much to my chagrin I realized I was further gone then I had thought and hadn’t even factored in other tasks that I need to do like holiday shopping….But, hey I’ve got 19 days til Hanukkah, 24 til Xmas n 25 ‘til Kwanzaa so I’m going to the acquarium now and visit FLIPPER hoping I’ll see double…you’ll understand this once you take the test so please let me know if you’re feeling my pain! Ready set click:  http://www.bblmedia.com/sports/stress.html  Spread the glove!

GEORGE CLOONEY, McDREAMY ‘n MOI: See You Same Time, Next Year!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year”…yes it tis the holidays and as Andy Williams croons in this classic Xmas tune , it’s also the hap happiest season of all.

And for me, its also the pap papiest time of year when I get to see my gynecologist whom Ive had a crush on since I first met him 18 years ago due to my miscarriage.  There I was  looking stunning in my hospital gown, eyes puffy from crying and nose red from blowing.  Yes, five pokes in my arm later courtesy of an inept nurse who could not find a vein worthy for the intravenous line, there he stood:  My McDreamy who has a smile like George Clooney (who has Dr. roots from ye ole ER!), holding my hand telling me all would be ok as my then husband lay passed out on the chair woozy from watching Nurse Ratched  (from classic film, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest) use his beloved wife as a push pin.

And, McDreamy was correcto since a year and 38 hours later I gave birth via a C-section to a healthy 22 inch, 8 pound baby boy OUCH! Once again, their George McDreamy stood holding my hand, this time yours truly looking even more alluring then when we first met -adorned with body fluids that only our septic tank should witness.  He smiled that cute little smile and sweetly assured me not to worry and all would be ok.  And, once again there was my hubs sitting on the side, nearly passed out, woozy from seeing my blood, sweat and tears.

And, thats how this now 18-year-old relationship began. Its sorta like the movie Same Time Next Year where Alan Alda and Ellen Bursytn meet at a romantic inn, both married and have an adulterous affair same time every year for 26 years sharing a rainbow of emotions

Well McDreamy and I havent exactly shared a rainbow of emotions-pain yes, but anyone whos seen you looking like a character from tales from the crypt and delivers the most important thing in your life is someone whom you will always share a special connection and fondness.  So when its our ‘annual date we always greet each other with a warm hug, catch up on family and kids, I show him pix of Luke, we talk about career, politics, biking, swimming and books weve read. Then its time to get me in the saddle so to speak 🙂

PLEASE NOTE: Unlike the movie, there is no impropriety on either of our part though I confess the thought has crossed my mind but I also have fantasies of Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, Hugh Jackman and George Clooney.  Nope McDreamy is all businessDamn it!! Kidding!!And, btw I promised him I wouldnt use his name just in case someone got the wrong idea but tis nice to dream vs. scream during these moments!  Im sure you get how it makes it a lot easier to endure the discomfort of being in those stirrups and having your insides feel like their being extracted during for the exam and pap culture. 

Now you know why Im of good cheer and why this is the pap-pappiest time of my yearAnd, of course knowing all is fine with my bod will make me even happier! 

A bientot my McDreamy.  Cant wait to see you same time next year!  Happy Holidays!

Love as always to hear any of your McDreamy tales etc here, or FB or tweet moi! Spread the glove…hmmm not in the doctoral sense LOL!

 

 

 


GETTIN’ DOWN N’ DIRTY W/THE ITALIAN STALLION…Of Design

WHAT FUN I HAD TODAY!  That was after thinking i might be meeting my maker as we descended into the Windy City early this morn. Rather then continuing our landing our trusty captain revved up the engines and took us back into the wild blue yonder.  YIKES ! He claimed it was the control tower saying that winds had shifted but Kevin Miller, my trusty biz manager and I thinketh there might have been a fellow craft too close for comfort.  But alas, though my heart took a nose dive the plane eventually landed safely .  And off to the Sears Craftsman Experience Studio we went to meet the one and only, adorable and studdley Frank Fontana, host of  BlogRadio‘s 1,000,000 stream hit show Down ‘ Dirty as well as HGTV’s Design on a Dime.  

Spreading the Glove with Frank

Before the interview I was given a tour by Bo, the uber fit studio manager (and my new personal trainer) whom showed me some of their latest and greatest tools: Now, I know usually it’s guys who get excited by power tools and widgets but I felt like a kid in a toy store and love any kinda tool that is easy to use and if it can multi-task all the better…which Bo shared and I tested:

 

Say Aahh!

Not exactly sure why I love doing DIY’s around the house though it allows me to connect with my inner-guy.  And, truth is I find it empowering and love seeing the look of disbelief in my guy’s face when I fix a clogged sink, create a Make Up Brush Holder outta a block of craft wood with my handy dandy coincidentally Craftsman drill to make holes for each; or when I’m looking for studs in the wall (though don’t mind looking at the other male version either LOL!) Yup, give me a drill and a dirty martini (after the job is done of course) and I’m one happy not always so accidental housewife!

Ok now back to the studio…

Bo’s tour now finito, it was time to put on my gloves and at last start ‘spreading some glove’ with Frank.  So in I strolled, with an extra pair of gloves in hand sure he’d put them on since he’s also known as the Straight Guy with a Queer Eye! And, the real fun began!  Alex, Frank’s bud across the table  joined in too who is a blast! We chatted about everything from my accidental origins to Frank’s wife’s struggle with being a new mom (they have a 4 month old), housewife and not loosing her sanity (we can all relate!), to our mutual buds Kathie Lee ‘n Hoda on NBC TODAY SHOW to talking ‘dirty’—afterall it is the  ‘Down ‘n Dirty Show’- to lots of other laughs, advice and …for the whole interview which was more like having a drink with friends sans drink at least this time, all you gotta do is  tune in –www.blogtalkradio.com/diy

All U Need is Glove, Frank and the Down 'n Dirty Guys

Big Shout out to Exec Producer Andy Herman for booking me in Down ‘N Dirty’s prime time show slot as well as making me feel like I was a regular… And to all you guys behind the scenes for making today’s segment terrific. Can’t wait to come on back though I may take the train here next time.  Ready anytime Frank to DIY and get my hands and gloves dirty!  xo



SAY NAY TO GRAY N YEAH TO PMS!

Not so long ago but seemingly so far away,  going to get my hair colored was something like going on a mini vacation. I could sit back, be asked if I wanted coffee and served  it, catch up on trashy reading and what Brad Pitt and Anjelina Jolie were up to, and  rip out a Martha recipe with all the good intentions of trying it.  Hey, I was being left alone: no laundry, no dishes, no “mom I’m hungry’- so even as I sat there looking like Frankenstein’s bride the world was filled with my pre-accidental housewifely calm and potential.  I would leave the salon rejuvenated at least ‘til I got home, opened the door and as if my hub’s had a GPS tracking my ETA, he shouted ‘hon, can you get me a roll of toilet paper’! So as I gazed in the mirror to admire my shiny new doo (forgive pun!) en route to get him TP thoughts of whipping up Martha’s recipe evaporated in a flash particularly since it would require 2-3 hours that I clearly didn’t have nor did I now have the desire as my son screamed for a snack.

 That was then this is today. Today I spent the afternoon at my salon and though my hair looks amazing the  hours there were not like the ole days.  Yes, I had water but it was self serve and yes, all the trashy magazines were there but alas I had little time to enjoy them.  You see for some reason my hair no longer wants to be that chest-nutty shade that has been my trademark for years…Nope it’s decided that it prefers to be a horse of a different color.  Why you may wonder? Well it’s called ‘aging’ according to my colorist whom is 23 rrrrr! Seems  as we ‘mature’ and we achieve more ‘stripes’-which is what I call my gray hairs-our trusty manes don’t hold onto color like they use to and they also react to any hormonal crap going. And yes, I was PMS’g and forgive me but I’m gonna drift briefly and share a great quote/observation about this dreaded time of our month courtesy of Roseanne Barr: “Women complain about PMS but I look at it as the only time of the month when I can be myself”-true wisdom to which I’m sure many of us can relate LOL!

 Ok now back to the exciting conclusion of my coiffe tale:

 After numerous consultations betwixt two colorists, three different rounds of low lights, and hundreds of dollars later I am thrilled to report that my chest-nutty hair is back! I am now home and ready to chill with a much deserved glass of wine which I probably should have had while there since it would have made whatever color my hair was perfect.  The not so good news is that clearly going to the salon for color is no longer a mini vacation and I still can’t cook like Martha nor want to… But I’m a half full kinda gal and there is a silver not grey lining …No longer do I walk in the house and have my son screaming for a snack since he can get it himself nor is my hubs calling out for TP as he now lives elsewhere and we remain friends but without benefits!

 THE END 🙂

If you have beauty tales would love as always to hear and have you share here LIVE FROM HYSTERIA LANE, tweet me @accidentlhswife.com or FB moi…Happy Saturday and be back with you tomorrow post TODAY SHOW rehearsal w/pix so you can tell me what you think about my color…lying is acceptable!  Spread the glove! 

SANITY SAVING TIP!

If you do your own color and ‘accidentally’ splatter some on your floor or sink  try one of these easy ways to clean it up:

1. Dip a tip:  Put some nail polish remover on a Q-tip and dab away!  Use a cotton ball or rag for larger splats

2.Line ‘em:  line your sink and surrounding area w/a garbage bag

3. Be Abrasive:  Good ole ajax, comet or other store-bought abrasive will do the trick.

4. Get Professional Help-No not the psychiatric kind but visit a local salon and ask them for some of the stuff they use to get color off.  BYO empty bottle just in case!


JUST ANOTHER MANIC FRIDAY!

k so it’s now almost 8 est and I AM XHAUSTED! Did have a brief break courtesy of my significant other LU D  🙂 But betwixt TODAY SHOW on Monday, INSTYLE mag interview and all my housewifely chores that  bore majority of us and as tired as this lass is wanted to say hi!  Also wanted to share this AOL post to help as you start wining/whining and entertaining this holdiay season. And, as always PLEASE SHARE  any and all ideas you have for this blog and other stuff i’m working on cause u are the real tipsters!.  

http://www.aol.com/video/youve-got-julie-edelman/517218833/

Oh yeah, also had my son’s girlfriend here this eve for the first time…never met here before and it’s sorta a strange cool feeling… She is terrific – makes me think of teenage days when i first entered the dating world though my mother would have never let me have a guy over for two reasons 1. he might make footprints on her pristine beige rug in the living room 2. no one in her mind was good  enough for me==DAMN good thing i spent 20K in therapy to get over that!! Another topic for another day when i’m not about to slip into dream world! Anyway, my one and only most adored son is 17 n off to college next year and fortunately he knows where  he’s going  since he’s an amazing golfer and Bucknell University swapped him up pronto…Thank ye gods for he and me we don’t have to wait months n indulge in too many dirty martinis to know he’s all set!  Forgive me if i boast but he’s worked sooooo hard and i am so proud of him and believe he will achieve whatever dream he goes after.. Any of those who have seniors know it’s a stressful year for all and not dealing with the angst of it is a beautiful thing though please note i am still enjoying a dirty martini LOL! Any how my  fellow housewives i’m gonna cut this short, thank u for sharing some ideas for Monday TODAY SHOW w/kathie lee n hoda. Tune in please! Now off to chill.  Keep sharing your amazing ideas here, tweet me at @accidentlhswife.com or facebook …Happy weekend!  Spread the glove…zzzzzzzzzzzz

SAVE OUR SANITY IDEAS WANTED FOR TV . . .

Working from home on Monday’s TODAY SHOW segment with Kathie Lee and Hoda.  Always have fun time with them…even if  we’re not cocktailing which they love to do! That and tease me as they did last summer during a post July 4th spot I was doing on Red, White &Blue Cleanup. Well for some reason, which I still can’t figure out, I forgot one of my pink gloves which like my American Express Card I never leave home without. But I did.  And, during the segment I started talking with a British and then later an Italian accent…No real clue why except that without my gloves I sorta felt naked or like a ventriloquist without his dummy! Anyway I included it here for you to watch! Oh, and BTW a little trivia: according to many historians the Declaration of Independence really wasn’t signed on July 4, 1776– it was approved and then signed On August 2, 1776…another day for us to celebrate!  

Now, back to my day and  Monday’s segment  which is about MANI-CURE FRIENDLY HOLIDAY ENTERTAINING TIPS N TRICKS to minimize clean-up…I’ve got some fun ideas like using automotive wax as a pretreator on your stove –non-flammable of course …don’t wanna be too accidental!  I also have some serving suggestions that minimize clean-up, ways to get stiletto marks off your floor without bending down–cause as Joan Rivers says “If God wanted us to bend down he would have put diamonds on the floor'”, and I’m prepping some apps in my dishwasher as it’s running through the rinse cycle! Honest!  No I’m not drinking yet!!! –I call it CLEAN CUISINE and I love multi-tasking n saving time whenever I can!  I would also love for YOU to share any cool and unusual ideas and I’ll try to include them in one of my media appearances, tweets, blogs etc so pleeeze blog here LIVE FROM HYSTERIA LANE, tweet @accidentlhswife.com or facebook moi  http://on.fb.me/sKB9d0! Spread the glove!

POST TURKEY DAY THANKS ‘N TIPS

Okey doke so today I realized it was time for me to let go of giving thanks for not having had to host Turkey Day courtesy of my best bud Marla.  Truly the accidental housewifely way to enjoy what is by far my favorite holiday!  I mean think about it unlike Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa and New Year’s where the race and stress is on to shop ’til we drop, balance our hearts with our pocketbooks and not gain 10 pounds nor need to join AA post January 1.  Thanksgiving is a relatively stress free holiday …even if you’re cooking and hosting. Yes, there’s the prep and clean up but let’s be honest—unless you’re Martha Stewart turkey is turkey and the day’s focus is good ole food, fun, family, friends and football. We gather to celebrate being together, stuff our bird and ourselves, we’re given a bye to lie prone and be a couch potato, AND, we’re not considered rude when the tryptophan kicks in and we start to yawn!  My gosh, it’s almost like being a baby again when it was ok to eat, drink, smile, poop and sleep LOL! Do you agree?  Think about it. . . have you ever really heard someone say how exhausted or stressed they were from Thanksgiving? Or wonder how it got by them and that they didn’t have a chance to sit back and smell the turkey? Don’t think so unless perhaps you’re our favorite TV Land bigot Archie Bunker or Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Larry David…Love to hear your thoughts and if you have an Archie or Larry types in your fam so blog with me here on LIVE FROM HYSTERIA LANE, tweet me @accidentlhswife.com, or facebook moi at http://on.fb.me/sKB9d0

Meanwhile, if you’re dealing with some post turkey day stains that bind us coast to coast and slob to slob I’ve got you covered with some tips I shared on CBS Early Show.   

Or, if you need help with any other clean up or stains that remain just ask… I’m here for you!  And, BTW, the folks I work with at Tide have a mani-cure friendly, idiot proof way of dealing with some of those common turkey day stains — Tide Stain Release-just throw one of those babies in your next load and viola stains be gone! Click here to get a money saving coupon http://bit.ly/ux8bwS ! Til tomorrow…Spread the glove 🙂