Tag Archive | Hysteria Lane

“ME TARZAN, YOU JANE” MEET WE HOUSEWIVES :)

As the legendary  comediene Phyllis Diller once said, “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” Brilliant words indeed.  And, it’s how i approach the level of attention I give to it which in part led me  to embracing and admitting that i am an accidental housewife vs. Martha Stewart or Suzie Home-maker. I’m all about doing just enough to keep my son from starvation; my home looking terrif with minimal upkeep; health inspectors away and lest we not overlook: my sanity and manicure in tact.   That’s why whenever I discover something that also saves me time, money and the environment it’s a tri-fecta and I’m all over it…

Which leads to a new carpet that my buds at Carpet One Floor & Home sent me to try out.  It’s called Tigressa…love the name-somehow conjures up images of ‘me Tarzan you Jane’ lying on the carpet getting wild…or in their case lyin on a Leopard skin:

Okay well maybe that’s a stretch , must be my imagination going wild with a mild case of heat stroke courtesy of the record-breaking warm weather here in the NorthEast!  So forgive my di-gressa from Tigressa 🙂  

Lots of companies send me products to try out, and having worked with Carpet One a few years back and their commitment to Breast Cancer Awareness, I was happy to oblige when Terri Daniels, their head public relations guru, all around terrif person and fellow Dirty Martini lover reached out to me.  That, and two other reasons:

1. I am a humongous slob and notorious/repeat red wine spiller…another reason for my ‘accidental’ moniker!  And, why God created my favorite carpet cleaning service Stanley Steemer whom i now have on speed dial!

2. I am thinking of refinishing my basement and want to be sure I put in carpet that looks good, is soft on my feetsies, durable, affordable and mega stain resistant for my many ‘accidental’ spills…( a reason i am thinking of drinking only clear libations …long live my ‘Tini LOL!)

And, dare I say Tigressa is the besta:

  • Looks terrif-love it’s black since it doesn’t show most any dirt or stain!
  • Soft on my feet and comfy to lie on solo or …
  • Passed the Accidental Spill Test: Though i didn’t do this accidentally, I did spill my fave dirty tini on the rug and to my delight it pooled up making it a housewifely dream to blot and quickly clean up.   That also means moisture won’t get trapped below and possibly cause mold to grow–major sanity saving plus!  

    Look mom! No gloves required...Love that! Back to 'tini time!

  • And, just in case that glass of red leaves a  mark, Tigress comes with  a Lifetime Stain Warrantee (20 years) which means they’ll replace it gratis…love that!
  • Oh one more thing too–it’s eco-friendly!
So my friends, if you’re in the market to do some Spring Freshening of your floors that is also terrif if you’ve got messy kiddies (duh! is their any any other kind) and pets,  visit a Carpet One store (www.carpetone.com/tigressa), take your shoes off, spill some water (or wine if you have your sippy to go cup but don’t tell ’em i told you to!) and see all the 1000 colors and textures Tigressa’s avail in…Not to mention it’s on sale now….BTW, imagining yourself as Tarzan ‘n Jane will be your call…of the wild. Meow!  Spread the glove!
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SNOWING DOWN ‘N PLAYING IT FORWARD!

Been an unexpected lazy kinda day here in the Northeast…Significant snowfall’s are good for making us slow down from our normal craziness since the news media give us a pass, reporting from every precinct how ‘snow has blanketed the area’ and that roads are trecherous as they place that all-telling yardstick in the snow to prove just how deep it us.    Nope, today we didn’t have to rush to do our  nine million errands, shuttle our kiddies here, there and everywhere, order pizza for din din so they didn’t starve nor worry about making ourselves look coiffed ‘n relaxed for our Saturday night out.

So where am i leading with this…hmmm…to an email i received a few hours ago from Kevin or “oh capitain” as i call him aka my manager and good bud . And, I wanted to share it with you since it seemed to compliment the unexpected lazy kinda day we had that gave us or at least moi cause to pause.  As Kevin said ,”this is good stuff” particularly as we dig into 2012 and outta the snow or whatever else you may be stuck in…Happy Saturday!  And, please be sure to do #40 and Spread the glove!

2012 HANDBOOK 

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2011 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree….

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will.
Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

POOP, PEE ‘N PET ‘TINIS!

Happy Friday all!  Hard to believe we were getting ready for the ball to drop a mere 6 days ago! Oh well time she flies….

I may have mentioned that I’m doing another segment with my two fave gals Kathie Lee ‘n Hoda on the TODAY SHOW Tuesday.  The segment’s called Pet Peeves and has to do with how the oohs and aahs of how cute that little kitty or puppy were when you lost your mind and brought one home for your kiddies during the holidays  has now gone to RRRR’s and what was I thinking as poop, pee,  hair and odors rule your roost.  Well, this accidental housewife is here to help you get rid of the ick, stink and save your sanity ‘n manicure. So as i prep for the show where I’m gonna use some new mani-friendly things that you probably have handy in your kitchen or bathroom, I wanted to share a couple of pix.  The first is my idea of a perfectly potty trained kitty who may be on their 9th life, holding their breath to find their litter box.  And, the second is why I am seriously considering coming back as a doggie in my next life–imagine being able to have a free tini 24/7 curbside!  Spread the glove!

See Spot. See spot woof down these 'tinis!

OMG! I've gotta stop drinking so much water!

KIM KARDASHIAN BANGS ‘N BOOTY ‘N BANZAI WATER PARKS

As the saying often goes “One Picture Worth a Thousand Words” .  Well maybe not always a 1000 but pictures can say a lot.  So as we begin to try and stick to our New Year’s Resolutions now all of  four days old :), I thought the link below might help put some perspective on expectation vs. reality whether we’re trying to loose that muffin top, get a booty like Kim Kardashian (or at least her new bangs!),  find Mr. or Mrs. Right or simply organize our closet so we can find our spring clothes before the winter thaw.  And, for those of you without resolutions, I envy you but still think you’ll enjoy these pix courtesy of  STUMBLE UPON.

PLEASE let moi know which pix u liked best or if you have a fun expectation vs. reality pix to share!  BTW think my fave was the ‘tickling pets’ and the Pool slide…And, sorry about the comments on the bottom of the link-I tried to edit them out but was unable.  Spread the glove!

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/19uAvj/pleated-jeans.com/2011/07/20/expectations-vs-reality-17-pics/

LEWES, BREWS ‘N HOLIDAY REVUES!

WOW! Can u believe the holidays are over?  I can’t say that they came and went and I wasn’t in the moment.  Nope for the first time in eons I actually can look back and not quote John Lennon about ‘life’s what’s happening when you’re busy making plans”. . . I made plans and I was living them! That’s not to say I didn’t work a bit, stress a bit and not take as much time as Sir D might have preferred though he tempted and spoiled me in far too many ways for which I am mucho grateful…but overall I chilled and cheered (perhaps a tad too much) my way through the holidays!

And,  it all started with my Mary Tyler Moore tour of NYC (DEC. 5) following the gig with Kathie Lee ‘n Hoda on the Today Show—And BTW, yours truly is back with my fave gals next Tuesday, January 10th to share tips n’ tricks for those of us who got suckered into getting our kiddies a new pet and now are paying our doo…n cleaning it too!

But that’s another day’s blog to share…For a few more brief moments before my dinner needs to be on the table, another load of laundry done and my head hits the pillow so I can be up with the roosters to insure my son is not late for school, I am still in holiday happy mode.  And, I wanted to share  a few pix with all of ye from Crossing the Delaware via Ferry in Biz Mode to tourin’ n tastin’ D Beer at Dogfish Head Brewery to D hospitality n oh so charmin’  Inn at Cove Bay in Lewes, DE to the incredible ‘n yummy Holiday eve courtesy of chef extraordinaire Peter Kelly at X2o n his incredibly talented bro Ned Kelly…And, last but far from least –to D’man SSD Tank ye mucho xoxo!  

Please, please NOTE! I’d love to see your pix too so please share here at LiveFromHysteriaLane, tweet or FB me! Happy New Year all! Spread the glove 🙂 

FERRY BIZ-ZY

 

WINING N DINING IN DELAWARE

TAKIN CONTROL AT DOGFISH HEAD BREWERY, Lewes DE


TAH -DAH MY VERY OWN DOGFISH BREW! oops,makes u see sideways LOL!

 

D'ELF 🙂

NJOYIN 12 NITES W/UBER TALENTED NED KELLEY/X20-Photo by D'man

MMMUMS THE WORD AT X20-What a Hoot!

BOTTOM’S UP!

I think it may be time for some early  New Year’s resolutions and a vacation from partying LOL!  My Ode to the Commode up next!  Stay tuned…Spread the glove! 

Bottom's Up!

 

NEON STRIPPERS, GUNS ‘N FRIDAY

YEAH IT’S FRIDAY! More better (nice English eh!) is that I’m back from Chicago, in my comfy home and haven’t had to rush off anywhere today.  I’m still in my sweats, haven’t showered, no make-up (no looking in the mirror;)…Just me by my lonely sipping my fave new bottled water Contrex, hoping the neon male stripper will pop outta the bottle (if wondering what in the heck I’m talking about go pronto to my sanity saving ‘n entertaining Dec.12th blog “ Where’s the Beef! A New Spin on Drinking Water!) 

Yup, I’m enjoying quiet and calm, a beautiful rare gift for all we housewives, moms, working types and recovering Type A personalities.

So before my son comes home from school and starts asking for food, where his Bucknell t-shirt is or asking for money….And, before one of my six back to back biz calls begins at 2, I’m gonna kick back, chill and je ne sais quois with my Contrex…Which also means I’m not going to write much here today.  Instead I’ll let this U-TUBE video starring the studly host of blog radio’s #1 show, Down ‘n Dirty live from the Craftsman Experience, Mr. Guns himself, Frank Fontana and moi do the blogging …Spread the glove!

Gettin’ Down ‘n Dirty with Mr. OMG Guns aka Frank Fontana!