“ME TARZAN, YOU JANE” MEET WE HOUSEWIVES :)

As the legendary  comediene Phyllis Diller once said, “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” Brilliant words indeed.  And, it’s how i approach the level of attention I give to it which in part led me  to embracing and admitting that i am an accidental housewife vs. Martha Stewart or Suzie Home-maker. I’m all about doing just enough to keep my son from starvation; my home looking terrif with minimal upkeep; health inspectors away and lest we not overlook: my sanity and manicure in tact.   That’s why whenever I discover something that also saves me time, money and the environment it’s a tri-fecta and I’m all over it…

Which leads to a new carpet that my buds at Carpet One Floor & Home sent me to try out.  It’s called Tigressa…love the name-somehow conjures up images of ‘me Tarzan you Jane’ lying on the carpet getting wild…or in their case lyin on a Leopard skin:

Okay well maybe that’s a stretch , must be my imagination going wild with a mild case of heat stroke courtesy of the record-breaking warm weather here in the NorthEast!  So forgive my di-gressa from Tigressa  

Lots of companies send me products to try out, and having worked with Carpet One a few years back and their commitment to Breast Cancer Awareness, I was happy to oblige when Terri Daniels, their head public relations guru, all around terrif person and fellow Dirty Martini lover reached out to me.  That, and two other reasons:

1. I am a humongous slob and notorious/repeat red wine spiller…another reason for my ‘accidental’ moniker!  And, why God created my favorite carpet cleaning service Stanley Steemer whom i now have on speed dial!

2. I am thinking of refinishing my basement and want to be sure I put in carpet that looks good, is soft on my feetsies, durable, affordable and mega stain resistant for my many ‘accidental’ spills…( a reason i am thinking of drinking only clear libations …long live my ‘Tini LOL!)

And, dare I say Tigressa is the besta:

• Looks terrif-love it’s black since it doesn’t show most any dirt or stain!
• Soft on my feet and comfy to lie on solo or …
• Passed the Accidental Spill Test: Though i didn’t do this accidentally, I did spill my fave dirty tini on the rug and to my delight it pooled up making it a housewifely dream to blot and quickly clean up.   That also means moisture won’t get trapped below and possibly cause mold to grow–major sanity saving plus!  
  

  OMG! There goes another accidental housewifely spill!!!

  

  Look mom! No gloves required...Love that! Back to 'tini time!

• And, just in case that glass of red leaves a  mark, Tigress comes with  a Lifetime Stain Warrantee (20 years) which means they’ll replace it gratis…love that!
• Oh one more thing too–it’s eco-friendly!

So my friends, if you’re in the market to do some Spring Freshening of your floors that is also terrif if you’ve got messy kiddies (duh! is their any any other kind) and pets,  visit a Carpet One store (www.carpetone.com/tigressa), take your shoes off, spill some water (or wine if you have your sippy to go cup but don’t tell ‘em i told you to!) and see all the 1000 colors and textures Tigressa’s avail in…Not to mention it’s on sale now….BTW, imagining yourself as Tarzan ‘n Jane will be your call…of the wild. Meow!  Spread the glove!

CELEBRATING ST. PADDY’S DAY ‘N YOUR FAVE BREWS MANY USES

Top of the morn ‘n Happy St. Paddy’s Day!  

Lucky's St. Paddy's Tip!

Another stellar day here in New Jersey for a parade, bike ride, finding a four leaf clover, and indulging in some corned beef ‘n cabbage, shepard’s pie, and/or beer of any shade! So in the spirit of the day, I wanted to share some unusual ‘n money-saving uses for that ole pint of brewsky should you not trade it as “Lucky’ has or have any left over tomorrow!

1. Brass Pot Cleaner- Use an old soft cloth and rub some onto the pot.  Let sit ‘no have a brewsky if you like then return, rinse and buff with another soft clean cloth.

2. Wood Furniture Polisher-Actually this is perfect for any flat beer you have left from celebrating. Dampen a microfiber cloth and gently rub some on your wood furnture to bring back the luster.

3. Gold Cleaner-If you were lucky enough to find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or have some dull looking gold jewelry just put it in a bowl with enough beer to cover it.  Let sit for a bit, rinse then polish with a dry micro-fiber cloth. 

4. Red Wine Stain Remover: If red wine is your drink of choice and ye miss your mouth, first sop up as much as you can with some paper towels then dab with a light colored beer.  Steam clean when finito and then switch to white

5. Skin Softener: Rub a dub dub not as in have someone pour it over your head but in chilling and taking a real bath in your tub.  The yeast and other ingredients in beer are terrific for softening, exfoliating and cleansing your skin.

6. Hair Lightener  & Conditioner – Simply soak your hair in beer and lay in the sun to both lighten and condition…think of the money you’ll save vs going to your hairstylist!

7. Stuff the Bugs Us Trap-With springtime upon us and for those who love to garden just put some in an empty jar and ‘plant’ the jar leaving the open rims at ground level.  Slugs ‘n snails love the smell so they’ll ‘drop in’ for a cocktail  BTW also works to get trap mice who will simply get drunk and then you can set them free outside.  Roaches too, but you’ll have to put a thin coat of Vaseline around the rim so they so they can’t escape.

Spread the glove!

GETTING INTO THE GROOVE WITH SPRING ALIVE AND ABBOTT ‘N COSTELLO

Last eve my best bud Marla, Franky, Doug and  I ventured into NYC to see an Off Off Off B’way musical called Spring Alive starring Spring Groove (I know quite a name!) which I learned about and saw thanks to Mamma Drama NY’s co-owners Erin Leigh Peck and Holly Fink.  

The show is a one act, one person terrific musical  of one Jewish woman’s journey/evolution from a typical NY gal to a rasta haired Yogi ….Or as the booklet described, its the ‘sing, pray, love’ version of  the wonderful book, “Eat, Pray, Love“.  Marla loved it and could relate totally as she’s a certified Yoga instructor.  I on the other hand am not a Yoga person and though I have dabbled in it my idea of doing The Sun Breath or Crouching Dog Position(forgive me if I’ve got the name of that pose wrong) is to crouch on my couch breathing in the bouquet of a fine wine..But i love theatre and particularly entertainment that elevates and inspires which is exactly what Spring did…along with an ensemble of dancers who brought another level of calm, grace and energy to the production.

o

Spring de joie...love those pants want a pair

But part of the fun of the eve was simply trying to find the theatre after eating at a hip enough restaurant called “Inoteca” located on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Not only was the food and wine terrific but Marla and I agreed that the lighting was perfect too:  as in low enough to make one look good no matter how tired or over 30 you are!

Anyway,  pleasantly stuffed and with a slight buzz on ’twas time to find the theatre…As you may be aware NYC is filled with theaters all over the place and peeps trying to make it here cause as  Liza Minnelli has sung time ‘n time again if “You make it here, you’ll make it anywhere.  It’s up to you .New York. New York”. And, while most of us are familiar with Broadway shows and some off broadway hits like “The Fantastics“, there are lots of hopeful gems like Spring Alive which are Off Off Off Broadway.  And, for we New Jerseyians who were off, off, off our beaten path, we couldn’t find  the theatre since it had a dual address: Dawson Place and 179 A Christie Street. So as time tick ticked and we walked up and down the street again and again, each of us taking turns asking ‘where’s dawson”, “who said it was on Christie” , I felt like we were somehow living a version of Abbott & Costello‘s famous baseball routine “who’s on first?”

Now, past 8:00 and curtain time, we decided  to call for help. Marla buzzed her son  Zach whom lives nearby and is, I might add, the coolest twenty something year ole, successful hard-working hipster living the NYC dream that I know and have known since he was five. Well, within seconds,  Zach quickly pointed us in the right direction which was  right across the street from where we were standing!!!

But we weren’t home free yet since being late we were directed to the back stage entrance.  As we went down the stairs, I began to get that ‘something’s not right here’ feeling, and did my own version of crouching dog laughing when I saw that the next door said “Stage Members Only”.   At this point, my wine buzz now a distant memory, we decided to throw caution to the wind and hope the door didn’t lead us to Spring on stage and our Off Off Off Broadway debut.  Well, the good news is it didn’t.  Nope it led us onto the balcony and we took our seats without disturbing anyone.  Within seconds we settled into the calm and got into the Groove with Spring. And, the rest as they say is Namasta…Spread the glove!

RACHAEL RAY, KHLOE KARDASHIAN, ‘N LIL OLE ME!

Happy Mardi Gras Day!  Did you know that Mardi Gras is French for Fat Tuesday–certainly sounds lots better in French! It’s celebrated as the final day of feasting before Lent which is tomorrow Ash Wednesday. So time to paaaaar-teee!!

And, today is also the day before my appearance with Rachael Ray which i am over the top excited about!  I love Rach–she’s one of those truly genuine peeps and as you’ll see we had a blast as I answered some questions from the audience about spring cleaning ‘forget me nots!…I know can you believe it’s already spring cleaning time!

Be sure to tune in http://mee.bo/AaCRMu 

AND Khloe Kardashian Odom’s on too talking about Kim‘s divorce, baby rumors and gonna ‘pop the question’ too  Repandre le gant!  That’s French for ‘Spread the Glove”

LOVE THE STAIN YOUR WITH ‘n Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Alba, Bradley Cooper, Julie Roberts….

Happy Valentine’s Day all! ‘Tis wonderful that love is in the air and wanted to share this piece as I do every V-day! 

So whether it’s your first date, love of your life, one of the millions who pop the ‘will you marry’ question, dine alone or have been there done that for some time, Valentine’s Day can muster the romantic in you from sip to sleep.  Here are a few simple ways to deal with those heartfelt  ‘accidental’ stains that unlike love are not what we want to last! And BTW, if you haven’t seen the flick “Valentine’s Day” rent, DVR or Netflix it…it’s got all the peeps that make for good eye candy for any age and dreaming of happily ever after V-day including Ashton Kutcher, Julia Roberts, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane (my personal fave Grey’s Anatomy studly guy!), Patrick Dempsey (second to Eric:) Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Swift, Shirley McClaine and on and on

• LIPSTICK:  With all that lip locking, there is bound to be some lipstick ending up on your man’s collar.  Don’t regret those kisses, put a dollop of non-gel shaving cream on those hot lip marks, dab and rinse with club soda or water.  Continue but now go ‘au natural’!
• CHOCOLATE:  As Forest Gump said so eloquently, “I ‘m not a smart man . . . but I know what love is” .  He also said that  his momma believed “life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109830/quotes ! So now that your sweetie’s satisfied your sweet tooth and you’ve consumed that whole heart shaped box of love i.e. chocolates, you also got what you didn’t expect:  a glob on that sexy white silk blouse..  So grab some clear hand sanitizer, squeeze some on and dab out  the stain with a towel or micro-fiber cloth and switch to popcorn!  Tide to Go is also terrif in a pinch! 
• STRAWBERRIES:  Nothing says “I Love You” like chocolate covered strawberries  but no one likes a strawberry stain.  Remove any access strawberry from the article of clothing with a spoon or knife, then  as your  touching up your doo, take aim with your aerosol can of hairspray and spritz the stain to remove.
• SWEAT STAINS:  Valentine’s Day is one of the most popular days to ‘pop’ the big question as in ‘will you marry me’.  But, alas, your nerves from popping the big question, or being the one being popped to can cause one to sweat.  Here’s an easy RX!  Just get out a big bowl,  pour in enough warm water to cover the stain, and hand crush 2-6 aspirin tablets into the bowl.  Once dissolved, put your white machine washable dress or tee shirt into it and let sit 2-4 hours.  No problemo if you get distracted calling all your loved ones to announce the big news and leave it overnight!  Then launder par usual.  Your nerves and shirt will feel and look better in the morning!
• RED WINE:  If you spill some red wine maybe that will teach you to go for  the white wine!  That’s right, first run some cool water through the stain , then a bit of salt to help life and finish with some white wine.  Then for the rest of the eve, switch to clear libations to avoid any further mishaps! 
• LOVE STAINS:  You want of course to be safe and use proper protection and precautions but if some of the love escapes ‘accidentally’ or prematurely onto your white sheets or boxers,  just use some hydrogen peroxide which is a natural bleaching agent so don’t use it on anything dark.  Then throw it in the laundry and go back to kissing for a bit! REMEMBER: never use hot water to soak or wash the stain, as hot water will help set a majority of protein-based stains. 
  • BONUS TIP:  Dealing with a creaky bed and don’t want to your neighbors or worse your kiddies hearing every intimate detail, sprinkle baby powder in all the joints so they don’t rub and make noise.  Also put on some romantic music and blast just in case! 

Spread the glove…safely and smartly please

TWO THUMBS UP TO THE FONZ, MRS. C AND CAESAR SALAD

Happy Monday all!  Just a short blog this morn since I’m prepping for a segment I’m doing with Rachael Ray later this week! As you can imagine i’m totally psyched since it’s been a while since I spread the glove with her…will share details and air date as soon as I know more!

I also wanted to share a yummy salad topping that my son and I had this weekend…Mrs. Cubbison’s Croutons…See my son loves to make caesar salad and I love the fact that he does since it’s one less thing i have to prep!  That  saves me some time which is something i’ll take whenever i can get it!  Anyway, when it comes to croutons he’s VERY fussy since he believes they make or break his culinary specialty so finding the right crouton has been no easy task!

Now, as you may be beginning to notice my mind often goes off in strange directions as I blog and today’s no different since Mrs. Cubbison’s tasty croutons got me thinking about the Fonz from the 70′s hit TV show HAPPY DAYS.  Here’s a clip for your viewing pleasure:

Yes, another TV Land fave of mine! The show was about a middle class family called the Cunninghams who lived in Milwaukee during the late 1950′s and early 1960′s. It starred Ron Howard as a typical teenage boy named Richie (whom we all know today as an incredibly talented and succesful movie director of The DaVinci Code, Splash, and Apollo 13 among mucho other hits); Marion Ross as his traditional mom/housewife, Tom Bosley as his dad and Henry Winkler.  Winkler played the Fonz-a neighborhood greasor whom lived in the garage above the Cunningham’s house and became both a cultural icon and was Richie’s unlikely but intuitive older brother-like advisor on just about everything in his life. 

Ok so why the link for me…Well Fonzie would call Mrs. Cunningham, Mrs. C and his signature pose was ‘two thumbs up’.  And, my son and i are giving two thumbs up too to our fave Mrs. C…as in Mrs. Cubbison’s….What can i say my mind works in strange and mysterious ways …try ‘em and let me know what you think…Spread the glove! 

PS. Next time you’re in Milwaukee you might wanna visit the Bronze Fonz which has all the cast members inscribed on it! AYYY!

MITT, NEWT, RICK, RON, PAULA DEEN ‘n BEAN…SOUP!

Mitt, Newt, Rick, and Ron—almost sounds like the names of guys in a rock group!

(Sung to Beatle‘s “I Wanna Hold Your Hand“)

“ I WANNA BE YOUR PREZ…., I WANNA  BE YOUR PREZ!”

Can you imagine the four of them as The Beatles singing ‘Been a Hard Day’s Night’ or The Rolling Stones singing “Can’t Get No Satisfaction”–or maybe even the Monkey’s singing “I’m A Believer” !! What a hoot that would be though clearly the lyrics would be way different and there would be four different renditions LOL!  

 But this blog isn’t about these gents being rockers nor their politics.  No this blog is about a comfort food that has it’s roots in politics –I know a strange segue but I am a writer and as such tend to indulge in stream of consciousness asides…So as the race for President enters another week and with another debate behind us, I thought it be fun to share a bit of political trivia and a recipe that compliments it courtesy of comfort food chef extraordinaire, Paula Deen  index.html who is probably now creating a ‘kinder, leaner version’!

Believe it or not there’s an archive in the Senate records dating back to some time betwixt 1903-1907 that declares SENATE BEAN SOUP be a mandatory item on the Senate’s menu. 

Folklore has it that the resolution came about one of two ways:  either at the request of Senator Fred Dubois of Idaho or via the then Speaker of the House Joseph G. Cannon of Illinois.  Seems Speaker Cannon exploded (forgive the pun) when one hot day he arrived for lunch and his fave soup was not on the menu “Thunderation!” he roared, “From now on hot or cold, rain, snow or shine, I want it on the menu every day.”  And thus it became mandated…and, albeit a bad navy bean crop in 1943 so it has been available in all 11 congressional dining rooms.  Seems even back then there was a lot of hot air being passed around Congress J  Spread the glove!